“Every morning I wake up and I say, I love you in the mirror.”
Seriously?
Yes, seriously.
This is a direct quote from my grandmother. I grew up next door to her; she watched us, fed us, she clothed us for many of the formative years of my life. I get my ferocity from her. She and I have had full on drag out arguments for as long as I can remember, each of us unwilling to back down from our post. I learned how to entertain and host from her 40+ person gatherings that involved days of prep, an abundance of food and a full day of engagement. I learned how to touch from her subconscious rejection of personal space and ability to make you feel both comforted and loved by simply standing closer.
As many people of the east, family came first. You were apart of a deeply loved network of individuals, at times harnessed by this interdependent community, but this neatly woven net also meant you would never fall, at least not too far. It is this trampoline that I have to thank for my buoyancy and confidence in the future of my story when times are tough or reflection back on history brings sadness and anguish.
I learned self love from her, particularly about my body. Think about how many women in your life talk about what they want to change about their bodies, what they don’t like, what they hate. It comes at us from every direction, but I think the channel that affects us the most is the women in our lives. My grandmother never talked about her body to me in a negative way. Growing up I would see her elaborate self care routine coming out of the bath involving lotions and powders. She was never rushed, no matter how late she might be for an appointment, and would always take the time to treat her body with love and respect.
The post partum experience has been a challenge for my body image. This new body has taken time to learn to love. And while I can intellectualize love, it is totally different to simply feel it within. I’ve needed helpers; reminders in my life that my body is beautiful. I am healthy, I am safe, I am able bodied. That should be where the bar is held. So while my grandmother reminds me to tell myself “I love you” each morning, I also thread these reminders into other pastimes.
Instagram and Podcasts have become one of those time-fillers in my life. When I’m riding the subway, or walking to a coffee shop, I scroll or listen to the output of others.
My favorite two Instagram accounts that remind me to love my body are: pink bits and empowered birth project.
Pink bits, by an Australia Artist, through colorful and poignant drawings normalizes the cycles of our bodies, our needs, and our shapes.
Empowered birth project seeks to expose the process of birth, shining light on the covered and hidden experience of childbirth. Its fascinating, its graphic, and it has helped me to understand and appreciate birth and the feelings of my fellow woman.
While I walk, drive or fly, podcasts are my jam. The ones around self love for me are: the spread, unladylike and getting curious.
The spread is two women in Kenya talking about female sexuality. They talk about a lot of thing I wouldn’t be comfortable discussing with friends or family and they talk about their own experiences and take and ask questions of the community, all within the context of a pretty unsexually liberated country. It’s brave, its funny and its actually been very informative as I continue to explore my own sexuality.
Unladylike addresses the American white patriarchy and the limitations that it has imposed on us as women. It can be a little one-sided at times, but honestly, its been a nice backboard to be able to assess where I stand, how the things they bring up affect me and what I can do to continue to be my truest self within a society I want to continue to participate in.
Last but not least, a light hearted “Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness.” I mean henny, if you haven’t been watching the new queer eye on Netflix and following the fab five, you need to drop everything and get on that. Jonathan is honest and unafraid. I could go on and on, but truly, those two words are all that are needed. He lovingly pushes people out of their comfort zones in a way that is both empowering and supportive. Embodying the idea that gender is a spectrum, he doesn’t let anything limit him, and courage like that is contagious.
Self love is tough. I find it easy to tell others to be loving to themselves, but the hardest person to love is myself. I know you feel the same way. So can we take a moment to build in moments of self love; reminders thought out the days and moments that we are enough.
Because you are.
I know I’m missing some amazing podcasts, Instagram accounts, website and books that reinforce moments of self care and appreciation. Please comment here or on IG with anything I may have missed!